626Ghost

Which is a tragedy that couldn't be helped for personal reasons.

So thats the topic of the day for me as it has become a part of my learning experience. When I first started coloring line art, I could tell that I had a lot to go before I could be professional. Don't get me wrong; I'm not professional yet because I feel like I haven't learned enough to live off. Several moths ago, I knew I was getting better from comparing my art but I wasn't exactly getting a lot of advice or critique so when I asked professionals to rate my art, they exactly did just that. At the time, I couldn't distinguish it from insults or just harsh advice which made the motivation to create art very difficult because sometimes I take that stuff to heart. But I needed the harsh advice to force me to dig deeper on the learning path because if all I got was compliment for everything I did, I wouldn't know if I was doing something wrong. 

Thats is what was really important to me was the mistakes that I was making because I didn't make the mistake, I wouldn't learn from it to make art better and be better. Recently I've been going through my work much slower because from all that advice that I've accumulated, has made me more perceptive to detail and more critique of my own work and for that, I thank all the artists who has ever gave me advice.

At the time it felt like insults but I knew It wasn't so thank you for understanding.

Teachers tell us what we need to hear; not what we want to hear.

Peace be with you all

-James.

Hello all to my watchers.

I'm glad to see that I still have watchers after two months of being away which like I said in my last Journal, I had moved and I had no power supply for my Mac. Well everything is settled and I have my power supply which I've been able to use the internet again but none of my digital stuff is setup. 

There is a reason for this; for two months during the move, I have been facing severe depression; which mixed in with my social anxiety can be a dangerous thing. I was one of those guys who told people that I could never get depressed about anything but I was wrong because everyone can get depression when put into the right situation.

:iconestinyBlue:'s   sums exactly how I felt those two months; I felt like nobody wanted to listen to what I had to say or care so I tried to keep it all inside and hide it under a pleasant face. But you can't hide depression and doing so could cause harm to yourself and to others such as almost ending a eight year marriage. I just finally came out and told somebody about it which helped a lot but didn't solve the issue. Instead of doing something constructive, I did the opposite by binge gaming Destiny and keeping myself locked away from other people. video games are not a bad thing and I won't give it a bad name but when I get depress, I play video games to retreat from reality because it felt easier that way. It got so bad that I couldn't bring the willpower to start on my next project so it wasn't technical issues that kept me away but myself. 

My family members wanted me to take anti depressants to fix my depression but I told them that I don't need a pill to fix my life and that is the way its going to stay because I believe that the moment I start taking them, I will eventually get hooked on pills; I believe that not all mental states can be or should be solved by taking a pill. I can be wrong on this because no human being is the same just like not all mental states are the same. 

So where does this leave me in the future?

Nothing permanent; a slow transition back to the way I was before; I guess would be the answer. It so easy to fall back into binge gaming so I have to pace myself between gaming and drawing a little more at a time to break the habit. Sometimes I find myself saying that I'm going to stop gaming at a certain point but never stop because In my mind, I have to complete this level or task as soon as I can before I lose the chance to complete so i've been fighting against these thoughts by telling myself that its just a game and it will always be there when I get back to it. There is no rush when playing something that stops as soon as you press the power button. Its helping a lot because If I let myself keep fall back into this state of being, I won't ever be as good of an artist that I wish to be.

So my advice to anyone who has depression is to talk to someone that is willing to listen because when you bottle it up, it can destroy your entire world before you can even take notice. I would never want to see anyone destroy the entire world because they couldn't find anyone to listen to their story. I've always told my family members that If they had a story to tell then I would always listen to them so that goes the same way to all my friends and family.

Anyways;
Peace to you all and thanks for listening....
-James.

Sorry everyone who is watching my page; one thing has been happening after the next. First; me and my family moved out of our place so a lot of my art stuff is in boxes and second, my mac's power supply broke a week ago so I've been without a computer for a while. When everything is up and running, you should start seeing more posts from me. Until then, its a great time to work on some drawing fundamentals and a chance to learn about traditional painting so maybe by the time is back up and running, I might start posting some of my own stuff instead of just coloring stuff.